literally had 100 drinks last night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
