Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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