why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
