so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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