now i know why i became what i already was.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
