my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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