Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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