Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Damn victory sex feels great
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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