I bet he comes in French.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
