I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
