I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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