She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize