I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
