You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
