he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
