How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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