I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
