Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
