things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
