do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
