tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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