I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Everclear isn't food dammit
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
