I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
