Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize