my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
