Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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