at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
