I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
