oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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