well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
