Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
