He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There r osticjed everywhere
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
