I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize