i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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