have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
