Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
