call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
