wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You are the jesus of drinking
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
