i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you will always have a special place in my vag
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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