I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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