he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
