the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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