i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
and you fell through a lawn chair
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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