It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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