Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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