Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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