other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
