My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
