Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
