It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Randomize
