So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
