bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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