Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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