im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
