This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
