At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
