Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
