Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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