I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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