Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
