OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
