My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
