she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
