i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
