please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
